Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Opening Lines

This is from my current WIP. What do you think?

In The Moment
Chapter 1
The lawn mower wouldn’t start. Again. Cassie sighed and wiped a straggly piece of hair off her forehead, blowing it away at the same time. She yanked the starter cord and grunted. Nothing.

“Stupid idiot!” She kicked it. “Ow!”

“Want me to give it a try?”

She shrieked as she grabbed her foot and hopped. Her heart raced, but whether from pain or from fear, she couldn’t tell.

“Jeez, you scared me. Um, can I help you?”

She’d hopped far enough away from the stranger to give herself the illusion of feeling safe. There were enough tools and sharp objects within arms’ reach that she could defend herself if she had to, but as she looked toward the man standing in the doorway of the barn, she really hoped she wouldn’t have to.  A crew cut showed off the chiseled bones in his face and the cleft in his chin. A white T-shirt clung to his body and emphasized bulging biceps, a well-sculpted chest and what she assumed would be “six-pack abs.” Worn jeans clung to well-toned legs. This guy was not only in shape, he was gorgeous. Her heart skipped again, this time from lust, and she blushed.


  1. I think this is a great beginning. The only word I would query is 'gorgeous' - I read somewhere that (some) editors hate this word when it's used to describe a male.

  2. Great opening! I am right there in the story and want to know more about this gorgeous (or other descriptor) man.

    You've done a nice job of setting the scene, too, in just a few paragraphs.

    I might separate the last line from the rest of the paragraph describing the hero. Or even from 'This guy was not only...'

  3. Thanks for the comments, ladies! I like your suggestions. And Ana, Cassie is in her late 20s.