.jpg)
This is from my current WIP. What do you think?
In The Moment
Chapter 1
The lawn mower wouldn’t start. Again. Cassie sighed and
wiped a straggly piece of hair off her forehead, blowing it away at the same
time. She yanked the starter cord and grunted. Nothing.
“Stupid idiot!” She kicked it. “Ow!”
“Want me to give it a try?”
She shrieked as she grabbed her foot and hopped. Her heart
raced, but whether from pain or from fear, she couldn’t tell.
“Jeez, you scared me. Um, can I help you?”
She’d hopped far enough away from the stranger to give
herself the illusion of feeling safe. There were enough tools and sharp objects
within arms’ reach that she could defend herself if she had to, but as she
looked toward the man standing in the doorway of the barn, she really hoped she
wouldn’t have to. A crew cut showed off
the chiseled bones in his face and the cleft in his chin. A white T-shirt clung
to his body and emphasized bulging biceps, a well-sculpted chest and what she
assumed would be “six-pack abs.” Worn jeans clung to well-toned legs. This guy
was not only in shape, he was gorgeous. Her heart skipped again, this time from
lust, and she blushed.
I think this is a great beginning. The only word I would query is 'gorgeous' - I read somewhere that (some) editors hate this word when it's used to describe a male.
ReplyDeleteGreat opening! I am right there in the story and want to know more about this gorgeous (or other descriptor) man.
ReplyDeleteYou've done a nice job of setting the scene, too, in just a few paragraphs.
I might separate the last line from the rest of the paragraph describing the hero. Or even from 'This guy was not only...'
He's a hunk. How old is Cassie?
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, ladies! I like your suggestions. And Ana, Cassie is in her late 20s.
ReplyDelete