Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Fear description

I don't have many fear scenes in my novels. Here is one from my completed MS:

Upstairs, she stripped off her clothes and turned on the shower. While the water warmed, she tossed on her robe and walked into her bedroom. When she opened her closet, she saw the white Stetson Dustin gave her resting on top of a shoebox at the bottom of the closet. She did have him to thank for her growing business.

To her right, dirty red sneakers stood behind her hanging clothes. Her body froze.

A hand reached out and took hold of her wrist. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not here to hurt you.”

His grip was too tight for her to pull away. He pushed her backwards as he made his way out of the closet. He was a good three inches taller than her five feet five inches. His blonde hair looked dirty and his deep blue eyes were more distinctive than through a ski mask.

“What do you want?” she choked out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you were home. The front door was open and I just wanted to see inside. I’m not here to hurt you. I’ve been keeping a watch at night, making sure nothing happens to you while Alex is gone.”

“Alex?” she choked out as her heart pounded against the inside of her rib cage. “You know my son?”


  1. Toni, this is as much fear as I can tolerate. Yes, well done!

  2. Nice one, Toni. Having read the whole story, I remember this scene and it was definitely a 'shock' moment! At that point you didn't know just what he wanted.

  3. Thanks, ladies! I was going to post the fear of when the heroine thought she was losing the hero for good!! LOL

  4. I think that's a very real fear, Toni, and one which is probably harder to show that a situation where the 'danger' is very obvious. Emotional fear is as powerful as physical fear, if not more so. In a 'mortal danger' moment, the fear is focused on the danger; when the fear arises from emotion/love, it can have many different facets.