Sunday, May 1, 2011

Advancing the story while describing physical attributes

From my timetravel WIP, two excerpts where my heroine is learning to use her beautiful past-life body to get what she wants:

1. Bellowing threats of tanned hides in Old French and Brezhoneg, Jermande crashed through the underbrush towards her.
Angel scrambled out of the pool and stepped into her shift. The ends of her hair tangled with the thin leather ties.
She'd disobeyed his instructions to stay in the shelter and feared his anger. Her younger self took charge.
“By the gods, Angelique. We are still in danger and you…” He came up behind her. The reproach died on his lips.
Bent over and bare to the waist, she combed her tresses. When she adjudged him calm, she straightened and fluffed her hair.
“Lord Brehon,” she said sweetly, sliding her shift slowly onto her shoulders. “Fair morn, Ninnog.”
The stable boy gaped as she bent, still unlaced, to pull on her boots.

2. Jermande half-carried, half-pushed Angelique up three narrow flights to the attic, forced her inside and slammed the door. Crazed longing coursed though his body.
She spun around and fell into his arms.
He pulled her hard against him. Their lips met in a rush of passion.
“Jere Mie,” she moaned, brazenly sliding her hands down past his waist, to his hips, to his thighs.
How could she know his nursling name, the endearment that his mother had crooned as she rocked him? Who was she?
He entwining his fingers in her silky hair, tipped back her head and rained kisses on her face and neck, determined to torment the truth out of her.
“Is it true?” Her pupils were dark with drink and desire. “Are you avowed to be celibate?”
“Oh, sweet love,” he groaned. He swept her off her feet and carried her to the bed. “Hear me. I cannot be your lover, for I am too big for a good woman, for any woman. I have known since I was called.” He raised his fists angrily toward the heavens. “It never mattered until now.”
To his astonishment, she reached out and freed the laces of his breeches. His accursed manhood fell out, thick and heavy. The room seemed to spin as he waited for her rejection.
“In my time size is considered a virtue.” She cupped his shaft in her hand.
“What?” He jerked back and covered himself.
“I think the problem is that girls are wed far too young here.” She sounded impossibly lucid.

3 comments:

  1. Mmm, very good excerpts there, Ana!

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  2. Hi Ana,

    Hee hee, I almost died of laughing at: “Oh, sweet love,” he groaned. He swept her off her feet and carried her to the bed. “Hear me. I cannot be your lover, for I am too big for a good woman, for any woman. I have known since I was called.” He raised his fists angrily toward the heavens. “It never mattered until now.”

    I'm biting my lip now! Bet she was thrilled to bits!!!! I'm dying to know more . . .

    best
    F

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  3. "Girls are wed far too young here"--I love it! Great descriptions!

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